I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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