my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
