How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize