I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
