Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
