shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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