I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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