he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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