i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
