and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize