Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
