Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
