i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
