Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
