$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
