Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
