What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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