I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
