giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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