btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
