Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
