I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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