she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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