Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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