I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
