Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
