Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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