Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
