I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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