I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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