turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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