Don't make out with my wife yet
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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