I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
