Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
