its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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