Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
is it fun? or sober?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
