i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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