remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
