Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
