i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
