I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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