I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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