im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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