I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
