just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
