she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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