Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
