Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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