so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
