She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
