Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize