Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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