people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
