We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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