The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize