so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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