Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize