I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize