did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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