8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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