I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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