dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
