I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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