This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
