Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
