I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
