No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
