Sponge bath it is.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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