I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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