Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
