We're like a lot better than the average bears
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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