your thong is hanging out like whoa
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
