i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
