one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
