Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
