we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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