Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
