You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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