That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
