Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
