Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I won't apologize to a one balled man
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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