I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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