Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry ilikebiscuit hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(573): View more from Missouri

I wish you could order shots online.

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(214): View more from Texas

i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.

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(972): View more from Texas

Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.

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(817): View more from Texas

I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.

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(614): View more from Ohio

And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.

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(817): View more from Texas

Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.

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(425): View more from Washington

When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.

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(516): View more from New York

ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work

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