just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize