I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
