apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
