no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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