my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
