miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize