so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
