I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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