I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize