A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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