Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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