Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
